Dear readers...

            I haven't written anything for such a long time that I'm worried that I can't do it anymore. At least not as good as I used to (that self confidence!). But I'm back. Wiser, stronger and with less amount of free time than before - I thought that it won't ever be possible and now, here I am. Complaining about how many things I have to do in such small period of time. Mabye not even about the things that have to be done but about the things that I know that I can't do because of the lack of time.
           In the meantime (a lot of times in this post) between sitting and writing God knows what and the previous text called "Understatements" I got myself into the most unfair workplace on the whole basketball so called planet earth. Don't worry mates - about this one I will write next - it will take me more that over 400 words to describe how happy I am being fired. No - that was me who left  this amazing job but having said that they kicked me out made it more dramatic. I've been also working on my portfolio and as a photographer which I purely love! However I don't have that much time to enjoy taking pictures to the fullest and I'm also lacking the memory in my phone so taking selfies is not easy also. But apart from being driven mad by the first job and falling more and more in love with the second and third one I was going crazy about my future studies. You know all the Brexit matter made me cry for few nights and then... I did my research and I kept calm. It is quite obvious that things may change for future students from the EU but I know that I can handle it. I did my best in Asia, so I won't succeed in UK? No way. (Mom please stop calling me for thetea I heard you at first try, I love you but I'm writing, just give me five minutes.) So I've been stressing my ass out, loosing weight, gaining weight, quitted my amazing job, found new one.
                 A lot things happened in such short amount of time but although I've spent so many hours doing things I didn't do anything that I've previously planned. Books are still not finnished (either not written or not read), my gym ticket still hasn't been used even once and from all the movies I wanted to watch I managed to see only one. But now I promise that I'm going to manage to do everything as I planned. Starting from now on, but first let me take a nap...

Sinning

       Life begins in silence. In voiceless waiting. Coming out of nothingness. Then there is a first, loud scream – sign of the new born life. A while of happiness seems to take away all of the bad things. We are growing up, getting ourselves into the rat race. Rushing all the time. Why? There is nothing in the end. 

 

       We love. At least we think so. Repeating phrase that we hear since childhood. At first we feel tied up with those words putting all of us in it, our whole heart. Then it is only “you too” left. The passing feeling seems to be something certain, lasting, permanent. We are taking it for granted just like the seasons. Thinking that it will never disappear. That is the moment when we lose it. Slowly. Painlessly. In silence. We feel nothing. Drifting apart. Being next to other person not giving her even a small amount of love. We just got used to her presence. Without her it would be quiet, but nothing else would change. We are living next to each other. Not feeling anything. Trusting. Losing. Sinning. 

 

       We trust. Too much. Too often. We crave understanding. Desperately looking for a trustee. Finally we find one. Silence gets broken with a moment of happiness. Sharing every thought. Telling about all of the dreams. Talking about fears, love, fascinations, happiness. We can not imagine even a single day without a conversation with this special person. Finally feeling safe. Trusting we fall in love. Getting out of the comfort zone. Standing completely naked. Exposed to a sore. Showing the soul to someone it is easy for them to hurt us. We are vulnerable. That is the moment when we lose everything. Trusting. Loving. Being credulous. Losing. Sinning. 

 

       We lose. Everything. Everyone. Ourselves. In silence. We are not protesting. It seems to be pointless. Remaining in the comfort zone. Leaving changes for later. Getting used to the situation. Creating our new comfort zone and planning not to leave it for the next few years. We are holding our tongue. Not trying to fight. Looking away, putting our fingers in our ears. Running away, but we do not have any place to hide. We do not want to do anything, being scared of effects. Fear stops us. We are scared of ourselves, others, rejection, being laughed at and again being rejected. Desires are getting crushed. Feelings are being killed. Our last scream had been dead for years. The only thing that remains is silence. We agree to lose love, feeling, trust. Not protesting. Not fighting. Giving up. Sinning. 

 

       We give up. Defaulting our own life. Fear is killing our confidence. We want to want. Only. Allowing other people to decide for us and create our reality. Giving them our life to look after it. Running away from the responsibility. Losing ourselves giving up. Freedom seems to be only in books and fight for oneself only in movies. We are lacking ourselves. Starting to be nobody. Nothing. Just like a see-through spot. Our colours got erased by fear. We gave up. Lost. Took fright. Sinned.

We dream. Everywhere. About everything. Often. Only. We leave our dreams not fulfilled. Not getting out of our comfort zone. To make them come true we would need to have the courage. Bravery is the reason of unconventional behaviour. That is why we give up. We do not fight. Collecting our dreams. Writing books about them and then hiding them in the deepest drawer. Hoping that nobody will ever find them, that nobody will judge us. We do not want to be different. It is dangerous. Scary. Weird. We would risk being rejected. We want to leave, run away, disappear, hide. Speak, scream, change the world. But we are just dreaming. Not talking about this. Not feeling. Not making it happen. Being silent. Sinning.

        We forget. Time is healing us. Not feeling. Dying inside. Fading just like the black shirt you are washing for the thousand times. Everything seems to be not as strong as it should be. Nothing has a meaning. We do not know how it feels to love, trust, be scared, fight, want. We do not know. It doesn’t matter now. Our time has passed. In silence. We stop. Giving up. Not fighting. Standing. Lasting. Sinning.

       We are. Existing. Without a word. We want. We do not have. We agree. Lost ourselves in ourselves. It is too late. Now? What for… Giving up years ago we lost our identity. Not even remembering who we are. What we like, how we act. The world formed a new human. How well do you know him? Do you like him? He took you from yourself. We want changes. Too late. Rushing all the time. Why? There is nothing in the end. We are. Existing. Waiting. For nothing. Wanting. Too late. Lasting. Not living. Sinning. 

 

       Life is running out and we are running out of time. Doing nothing to stop it. We are schematic. Doing only the things that seem to be safe. Not risking. Growing up. Becoming more and more conservative. Changing. Losing ourselves. Our first scream turned out to be just a quiet groan. Silence. Silent consent. It is easier. Not living. Not being. Existing. Not playing the first fiddles. Leaving. It is safe not to feel. Being naïve is simpler. Not thinking. Not analysing. Giving up on our own life. Not fighting. Losing our bottle. Getting rid of our identity without any memories. Wordless, blind, deaf. Instead of living we are existing. Repeating. In silence. Sinning.

Two sides

                    In two years I will stop being a teenager. That's creeping me out. For years I could do stupid things, being careless and don't even think about cleaning up a mess that I did. If I had troubles I was going straight to my mom asking for help. I was lost, goofy, childish, bungler, my life used to be as messy as my hair, I had no idea who I am, who I want to be. And I still am this girl. That seems to be odd for you. After all I am a model, or something like that. It's funny how people label others by what they do in life. I like it and I hate it at the same time. I like being totally different girl on contracts, in the other side of the world I'm being a second, better version of myself. I'm the smartest, the nicest, everyone knows my name, they want to hang out with me, they like all of my ideas, I'm not being judged by them and I have to say that I love it. Creating the better version of yourself, letting them to know you only from the bright side the cute, smart, nice and friendly one with lots of ideas and with who you will have a lot of fun. I'm being visible as hell. They are not talking with me only because I'm a model. Come on people, who cares about what I'm doing in life? I'm not that tall to actually do something in this proffesion, that's an amazing way to travel, meet new people, be someone for the sociatety for just a 90 days or less. And after all this, you have to leave. Come back from your new home from home, abandon new "family", people with who you have a lot of good memories, get back to being "this girl who is a model" in school. Who in a second in your eyes seems to be taller, more skinny, more stupid and who will never look at you because as a guy you are not tall enough for her. My dears all of that is the biggest bullshit I have ever heared and I've ever experienced.

To ban zoos or not to ban zoos, that is the question.

                   To ban zoos or not to ban zoos? This is one of the most controversial question nowadays. People like to go to a zoo and watch different kinds of animals, but after visiting a zoo some of us have sense of guilt. We start to think about small cages in which animals have to live and the seperation from their natural environment. We start to wonder if zoos are actually protecting endangered species from extinction, because how can something protect animals by keepeng them crammed up in tight places?

           I find it difficult to adjudge if zoos are entirely good or bad. Considering the medicial care which they are provided 24 hours 7 days per week, not having to struggle with rough weather and being safe from poachers who still hunt even for species that may extinct, we can say that zoos are good. On the other hand in the moment we enter the zoo we see people poking and proding the animals, throwing them sweets and other kinds of food which is a poison for animals and this is the bad aspect of keeping animals in zoos. But it's not fault of the institution, but of irresponsibilty and careness of humans.

           Zoos are made to increas awareness of endangered species and importance of conservation. Unfotunately many people think that going to the zoo is only a nice way to spend afternoon watching different kinds of animals. They don't see the educational background, throwing wrong kind of food to cages and watching animal eating it makes them smile. People scream, do flash photographies, which makes animals stresses, depressed and restless. Animals can obviously hide from intrusive people but it is obviously stressing situation for them.

           Zoos save animals from extinction, provides them good conditions of living and medical care. It doesn't sound like bad kind of institution, does it? It's the people who make it sometimes even unstandable for animals living there. Throwing things into their cages, screaming, knocking and poking animals isn't appropriate way of conduct in zoo. I think that zoos shouldn't be banned, the misbehaviour of humans should be banned and fined. Mabye after paying huge forfeit for throwing monkey an old banana we will start to appreciate the educational role of zoos and stop thinking about them as a fun place of watching animals doing side-splitting things.

Responsibility to developing nations.

           In the so called developed world, namely the northern hemisphere, we must ask ourselves how we got to the living standards that today we take for granted. If we want to see the whole procedure of forming the world that we live in, we need to analyse its' historical background.

           Countries of Europe started to form their position in the world during ancient times. Romes as well as Greeks carried out a process of colonisation. They captured distant places and exploited the minerals that were available there. Colonies were important for countries in Europe because those distant parts of the world had minerals that weren't known in our part of the globe. Because of the exploitation of colonies, cheap work was needed and this is the beginning of slavery. 

           The northern hemisphere used coloniest and goods which were found on those lands. Europe didn't think about giving, for example Africa, even a small opportunity of self-developement. Each action was subordinated to the needs of the empires. Now, so called developed world has responsibility to help the developing nations to grow in power and start to improve peoples living standards. But how can we help the developing nations?

           We hear about many charities and organizations helping Africa or Asia, but do they take care of matters that are really important? In my opinion, not exactly. Many charities are sending priests and money to the countries that need help, but not much informations about health care or medical support is being heared. More cures, doctors and teachers would improve standards of living in Africa or Asia. We need to take under consideration what do those developing countries really need and stop sending them what we think will be good for them. 

           Everyone can help the developing nations to grow and become more independent. We need to stop racism and intolerance, show our support by donating some money to special charity or even go to Africa with some organisation! Everything is possible if we stay open minded and if we want to help. Mabye, if everyone would join helping developing nations they would grow and evaluate faster.

Hope you like my piece of work ;)

LBA - Liebster Award

Hej, cześć!
Dosyć niedawno dowiedziałam się o LBA, czyli Liebster Award - jest to nagroda dla nowych bloggerów, którzy dopiero raczkują w blogsferze od innych początkujących bloggerów za tzw. "dobrze wykonaną pracę". Jestem bardzo zadowolona z powodu nominacji do LBA, którą otrzymałam od przecudownej KARLAS WORLD.  Więc... Zaczynamy!

Hey, hi! 
I found out recently  about LBA - Liebster Award - it's a some kind of prize for the new bloggers, who just started their blogjourney from a other blogger begginers for a "well-done job". I'm very happy because of the nomination to this prize which I received from KARLAS WORLD. So... Let's begin!

1 Od jak dawna prowadzisz bloga?
1. How long do you blogg?
Bloga prowadzę od dokładnie - 10 VI 2014.
I've been blogging' since 10 VI 2014.

2 Czy twoi rodzice wiedzą o blogu?
2. Do your parents know about your blog?
Tak, moja mama bardzo mnie wspiera, jestem jej za to bardzo wdzięczna. Ps.: Była moją pierwszą blogową fanką :).
Yes, my mom is my fan no.1 - I'm very thankfull for this. 

3 Ulubiony idol/idolka
3. Your favourie idol?
Definitywnie Winston Churchill - za całokształt, ale głównie za nieprzeciętną inteligencję!
Winston Churchill for sure! For general but most of all for the intelligence!

4 Co sądzisz o obs za obs?
4. What do you think about F4F?
Nie neguję, uważam, że jeśli na prawdę obie strony lubią swoje blogi to nie ma w tym nic złego, a przecież dla każdego bloggera początkującego liczy się ta liczba koło obserwatorów ;).
I don't say no but I don't say yes either. If both sides likes the blogs, why not? Every blogger likes to see that the number of followers is bigger.

5 Masz zwierzę? Jakie?
5. Do you have an animal?
Mam, a nawet całe zoo! Psa - york (Piksel), świnkę morską długowłosą (Diablo) i duuużo rybek.
I do, I almost have a zoo! Dog - York (Pixel), guinea pig (Diablo) and a loooot of fishes.

6 Czy znajomi chętnie robią ci zdjęcia?
6. Do your friends like to photograph you?
Ech, to jest dosyć trudne pytanie, bo lubią robić mi zdjęcia z zaskoczenia bo wtedy ładnie wychodzi, ale kiedy mam pozować przed znajomymi to mi to w ogóle nie wychodzi, zaczynam się śmiać, wygłupiać, nie podchodze do tego poważnie i dlatego na zdjęciach pozowanych ze znajomymi wychodzę strasznie...
Uhm, it's a hard question, they like to take photographs of me but not when I'm posing for them, when I do pose I look like and idiot, cause I can't stop laughing when my friend tries to take a picture of me.
 

7 Jak ważne jest dla ciebie blogowanie?
7. Is blogging important to you?
Bardzo, bardzo, bardzo ważne! Jest dla mnie odskocznią od życia codziennego i miejscem w którym mogę być całkowicie sobą.
It's very, very, very important for me. It's a place for me where I can totally be myself :).

8.Ulubiony sport?
8. Favourite sport?
Taniec, jazda na nartach.
Dancing, skiing.

9 Czy oceniasz ludzi po wyglądzie?
9. Do you judge people by first impression?
Bardzo często mi się to niestety zdarza, ale chyba większość z nas tak robi, albo zrobiła chociaż raz.
I do it a lot, but many people does it, or did it at least once. 

10 Czytasz książki? Jaką czytasz teraz?
10. Do you read books? What book are you reading currently?
Książek nie czytam, ja je pożeram! Aktualnie moją lekturą jest książka Dan'a Browon'a (nie, to nie jest "Inferno") "Zaginiony Symbol". Planuję też dokończyć "Bezcennego", jednak zgubiłam gdzieś tę książkę i nie mogę jej teraz znaleźć...
I read books a lot! Nowadays I've been reading Dan Browns book (no, it's not "Inferno") "The lost symbole". I'm going to finnish reading the "Bezcenny", but I lost the book and I can't find it now...

11 Wolisz tematyczne czy lifestylowe posty?
11. You like more theme posts or lifestyle ones?
Obojętnie, jeśli post jest ciekawie napisany to przeczytam go z wielką przyjemnością bez względu na jego tematykę!
I don't care if it's a lifestyle, theme post or anything, if the post is interesting i'll read it and I won't care what kind of post it is. 

Czas na nominacje, kolejność nie ma znaczenia - jest losowa:

crossstitchandbracelets

 zielonoma

 maniaa-mania

 smile everyday just

 fashionmix

 moja utopia na krawędzi

 Olga

 esia bloguje

I 11 pytań dla nominowanych:
1. Dlaczego założyłaś bloga?
2. Kto był pierwszą bloggerką/bloggerem którego zaczęłaś regularnie czytać?
3. Przesyt czy minimalizm?
4. Jakie masz plany na przyszłość?
5. Czy twój blog rozwija się w takim kierunku w jakim chciałaś?
6. Jakie są twoje ulubione blogi?
7. Ulubiony film, książka, sztuka?
8. Co jest twoją motywacją jeśli chodzi o blogowanie?
9. Wolisz robić zdjęcia czy do nich pozować?
10. Masz swoje ulubione miejsce?
11. Co jest twoją inspiracją?

Life update

Już dosyć długo nie wchodziłam na bloga, ale to nie bez powodu!
Dostałam się na wolontariat w sekcji "media" podczas "Operation Sails Gdynia", to były cudowne cztery dni podczas których tyyyyle się wydarzyło, ale o tym będzie w innym poście. Odkryłam też nagle pasję do kuchni - dziś robiłam gofry z bitą śmietaną, wczoraj piekłam drożdżówkę, a w planach mam ciasto piankowe! Tydzień zapowiada się bardzo pracowicie, tu trochę pracy, tam wycieczka do Szczytna, wszędzie coś się dzieje, a ja nie mam czasu aby o wszystkim wam napisać od razu. Tymczasem postanowiłam zrobić szybką notkę tak na prawdę o niczym i tu chyba już dobiega jej kres. Taki szybki life update :). 

I haven't posted anything on this blog recently, but let me explain why!
I was a volunteer in the "media" section during the "Operation Sails Gdynia", it was an amazing time full of fun but I will write about it in another post. I also found out that I loooove to cook - yeasterday I made waffles with cream and two days ago I mad a bun and I'm planning to make a marshmallow cake! I'm going to be busy this week, work, trip to Szczytno, everywhere something is going on and I don't have time to write about everything here. Now I decided to do a fast post about nothing which ends right now. Fast life update :).