I had no other ideas when it comes to the title of this post so I decided that it would be best to keep it simple. I've got a mild anxiety, which sometimes grows to the size of a block of flats. Especially when it comes to any social interactions. Weirdly enough it usually happens when I have to message someone online.. I know it's weird but approaching somebody in person in some social situations like a party or whatever is just way easier for me. Because you can't screenshot what I say to you in person, you can repeat that to your friends but with no actual proof and sometimes I say too much. Although I come as someone who doesn't give a shit in general, duuuuudes, I care about every smallest thing ever. Especially when it comes to stuff people tell me. You'll say one thing and I'll pick it apart and think about it for months because maybe I misunderstood you and it lead me to false interpretation therefore I feel as if I had to find multiple ways of interpreting what you've said. And in this proces everything seems to be super important to me - when you said it, your tone and if you were drunk or not. Every single shit like that, every tiniest detail is so so so so so important and then after realising that actually you may hate me and by the time I finisz thinking about that I'll be pretty sure you do I'm going to spend a few days in bed swimming in the pool of anxiety I made for my self by overthinking.
Lately I haven't had a day without thinkinng about stuff and then thinking about thinking too much. Because first I want to get to the core of "what the fuck do you mean" and then I start to Wonder if there's a point in what I'm doing. No there's no point, just to get that out of the way, but I do it anyways. Even writing this post is fucking pointless because even if I publish it I'll probably delete it later since it's just an announcement saying "Look at me being a fucking mess". But if you've been here (on my blog) for a while, you know that I'm nothing else but a huge mess.Anxiety gets worse when you suffer from mood swings as well. Just so you know. You wake up feeling fine and then someone says "hi" and you don't know if it's because you just bumped into each other or because the person just wanted to say hi and there's nothing else in it. Ugh. Or you just get mad because it's morning and you didn't drink your coffee and somebody starts talking to you, like what the actual fuck man? Are you a psycho? Don't talk to me before I drink my coffee, alright?
Thanks anxiety for ruining and ruling my life.
