1. The coffee snob

2. The girl on a diet (or a guy)

3. The 'what's good' person

4. The 'do you have a menu or something?' person
No mate. No, we don't. Oh, what's that huge thing behind me? Oh, nothing, don't bother looking at that, it's not that we have everything written down with prices and shit. No. Just ask me what we have in here because surely I know all of the shit written behind my back by heart.
5. The way too friendly customer.
I don't care that your girlfriend dumped you last week, that your hamster died and you forgot to write your essay. All that I care about is which coffee you want and if you give me a tip. I don't want to get to know you because I just don't. That's my work and obviously, I'm going to be friendly, but sometimes it's just a bit too much...
6. The wifi thief
Yes, you can use our wifi and plug your charger but at the same time, that's a coffee shop not a charity organization for people who want to chill somewhere while browsing through facebook. Order something please because if my boss sees you with a bottle of orange juice for 80p sitting there for the past 4 hours he'd kill me.
7. The family
I like when a family comes to the cafe but at the same time it takes some time to make all of the waffles and sundaes and toasties and coffees and hot chocolates and smoothies and milkshakes and if your kid comes to ask me where's the waffle it will only slow me down. If you kid starts screaming and fucks up half of the cafe I'd have to clean it up first so be prepared to wait for around an hour... And please don't scream at me because I' on the edge.
8. The person in a hurry
It's a coffee shop, not McDonald's. OIf you come in here that means you have time to wait for your order. Wait or fuck off.
9. The music fan
If you want to order something I have to hear you, but you have to take off your headphones so that you can hear me as well. Otherwise, I'm just not going to be able to make sure that I'll make exactly what you tried to order man. Don't come and cry that you didn't want sprinkles on your cappuccino because guess what - now I don't give a fuck.
10. The single
I know you are old and still single but I don't want to see anything exciting after work. If 'something exciting' is a secret code for your private parts then you came to a wrong place. GO AWAY, TAKE YOUR COFFEE AND JUST LEAVE.
11. The extra guy
If you already paid don't ask me for an extra creme/shot/chocolate on your order because it's stupid. You have to pay for something extra, that's not a charity but a shop so go away and pay for it first.